It’s time to enroll in Tooth Fairy Lessons.
It’s also time to get real.
I have spent HOURS reading about the Tooth Fairy; her history, and the extremes parents go to when she arrives at their homes. WHAT THE *%^&#@*???
You all, parents are dipping $5 bills (and coins) in glitter, and hanging miniature doll house doors on the wall for the Tooth Fairy to enter through. I am not kidding.
Do I just have too many kids? If I only had one, would this be me? Maybe. But probably not.
Generations ago, baby teeth were buried in gardens to prevent witches from stealing them and curses being placed on the children who lost the teeth. It was also believed that planting the teeth aided in the growth of the permanent teeth. By the 1920’s, families had transitioned to pillows instead of flower pots; they included gifts in exchange for the teeth. Today, we still utilize the pillow method, and most often, parents opt for money as the gift for exchange. But like I said, some parents have gone above and beyond.
Do not get me wrong. I look at the pinterest pages and instinctually think these are the greatest parents alive (Don’t believe me? Look HERE). I then decide that I will also be one of these ‘fairy-door-painting’ parents. I too wish to spread fairy dust everywhere and leave fairy prints where my child will discover them. (Hell, I’ve pinned ALL of the cutest Tooth Fairy ideas for you HERE.) But then I realize that I am a normal mom – a homeschooling, work-from-home mom to 4 young children. I always have big plans to do crap like this, but yet life always tends to change those plans.
Not only do I not wear a tutu as I sprinkle glitter and sneak into my child’s room at 1am to place an inked letter, silver dollar, and $100 bill under the pillow, but I have actually forgotten about the entire event.
I AM THE WORST MOTHER.
No I’m not. I’m a freaking rockstar. I’m so good at being a mom, that my child happily agreed to try for the Tooth Fairy again a second night – without even a whimper of sadness.
When The Tooth Fairy Does Not Show
First, I HATE lying to my children. Wait until I write about Santa this year. My husband and I both hate presenting an absolute lie. But yet, our kids all believe in the Tooth Fairy. Our oldest, just turned 7, is a fairy-loving-butterfly-chasing-nature-hippie. We have asked her what she believes in when it comes to the Tooth Fairy and she says, “I believe in fairies, but I think you put money under my pillow. But then I think there may be a fairy whose job is to collect teeth for something special.” So here we are, Tooth Fairy parents.
What happens when we are slackers and have zero cash on us the night a tooth is supposed to disappear?
The first thing that popped into my mind was that the Tooth Fairy had too many stops and couldn’t make it.
There are some very creative parents out there.
Here are the absolute best ways to explain why the Tooth Fairy didn’t make it last night:
- She was running low on fairy dust and couldn’t make the flight.
- She heard you waking up and had to disappear fast.
- She got lost.
- She may have a cold – or the fairy pox.
- There was inclement weather leaving Baton Rouge and she had to stop for the night.
- She sent you a snap chat saying she was on vacation.
- You forgot that yesterday was the Tooth Fairy’s birthday! She must have had a surprise party.
- Too many children lost a tooth yesterday and she couldn’t carry them all.
- She’s trying new hours, and she’ll be by when you aren’t looking today!
- There was a fairy wedding last night and she got to throw fairy dust all over the bride and groom.
- She ran out of money and the fairy bank was closed for night.
- It was a full moon and fairies go swimming and celebrate all night every time there is a full moon.
- There could be a fairy strike because kids aren’t brushing their teeth well enough.
- Her best friend invited her over for a sleepover; she’ll be back to work tonight.
- Maybe the Tooth Fairy has been working really, really, really hard lately. Her schedule is overflowing and she is just off her game. Maybe she just forgot.
If your children are like mine and want to believe in this fairy more than anything, but have so many questions, look at this FAQ page!
To Keep the Tooth or Toss it?
As parents there are two options: Toss the tooth (not going to lie, that’s our method) or keep it. I’ve always thought it was a bit weird to keep baby teeth; I mean, what kid wants to see their baby teeth as a grown adult? And then I learned that there may be a third option. SAY WHAT?
People are actually keeping and paying to store their children’s teeth. (Reread that; I will wait.)
Like the umbilical cord, there are precious stem cells inside of these teeth. While science has not figured out just what to do with these cells, it is indisputably true that they are a precious commodity. Prices can range from $850 to $1,750 with annual storage fees averaging $120.
We will still be tossing the teeth and placing that money in college funds (or spending it on a trip to Disney World, whatever – don’t judge us.)